Dwell In Love

Lessons on Love with Little House

Matthew 5:43

Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Matthew 5:44

 If you missed the first installment of my Little House post series, you can read it here. 

 My daughter and I are currently reading the seventh book in Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House series. In Little Town on the Prairie, Laura is accused by her new school teacher, Miss Wilder, of being a trouble maker. Laura’s Pa, Charles Ingalls, and two other school board members have dropped in during class one day, after hearing rumors that Miss Wilder has had trouble keeping the class in order. Flushed and frustrated, Miss Wilder tells them that Laura Ingalls is singlehandedly responsible for the rampant misbehavior and continual chaos that has taken over her classroom. At home, Laura truthfully denies Miss Wilder’s claims, but Pa challenges her to think where Miss Wilder might have gotten this idea. As Laura retraces her steps, she suddenly realizes that an unkind comment she made to Nellie Oleson on the first day must have been twisted and used by Nellie to set Miss Wilder against her, as the two (Nellie and Miss Wilder) had been spending  recess times indoors, visiting together.

Just Deserts

Any who are familiar with the series will know that Nellie Oleson probably provoked, even “deserved” whatever Laura said to her. As Laura is explaining to her parents what she said to Nellie and why, she is hot and angry:

“I meant to make her mad. When we lived on Plum Creek she was always making fun of Mary and me because we were country girls. She can find out what it feels like, herself.” 

“Laura, Laura,” Ma protested in distress. “How can you be so unforgiving?” That was years ago.”

“She was impudent to you, too. And mean to Jack,” Laura said, and tears smarted in her eyes.

Reading these words yesterday, I suddenly teared up, too. This isn’t the first time it’s happened while I’m reading to my daughter, and it always seems random at first. But it’s never really random, is it—these moments that catch us by surprise? So I prayed, and then I started thinking.

We Want Justice

It is noteworthy to mention here, that reading the part of the story where Laura puts Nellie in her place gave rise to no emotion within me besides gladness. No empathy for Nellie. No check that Laura shouldn’t have said that. I just relished, unreservedly, Laura’s triumphant moment of revenge. Sweet Revenge!

 Isn’t there a part of us—if you are like me, the lion’s share— that feels a sense of satisfaction when a “mean girl” like Nellie gets her just deserts? We want justice—we want things to come right. Since Nellie made fun of Mary and Laura for being “country girls,” then it feels downright satisfying to know that now the tables are turned, and Nellie is the “country girl.”

 And yet Laura’s “justified” meanness did not serve her well. It may have felt satisfying in the moment, but in the end, it only produced more trouble.

The Law of Newton

I am seeing this a lot lately in my children, with the Law of Newton presiding. Every action produces an equal and opposite reaction. One will take something or do something that makes the other feel wronged, and the second retaliates. It happens quick, and it is always an attempt to make things right on their own terms. I can’t tell you how many times in the last month I’ve said (out loud or just in my head) Two wrongs don’t make a right. The first wrong never justifies the second. I’ve a feeling its something I’m supposed to be paying attention to.

Trusting Our Just God

No matter what anyone does or says, it is not my job to retaliate. I am not called to put them in their place. We are not called to explain or defend ourselves, or to prove our rightness to those looking on. We have to trust that God sees it all and is on the job.

Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap (Galatians 6:7). We can know that is true and trust It’s steadfastness. It is God’s Law that no man can bypass.

 Nellie had already been demoted—whether by hard times or bad luck or Providence— it was not Laura’s job to repay her unkindness. Life already had. It was Laura’s job to forgive and love. Not only for Nellie’s sake, but for her own.

 In her book Miracles Are Normal VIrginia Killingsworth writes: “Every problem, without exception, is a manifestation of a violation of the law of love. Every struggle in your life, at it’s very root, reveals an inability to love and be loved by God, an inability to love and be loved by others, or an inability to fully love and honor yourself!”

Acting Out of Our Wounds

Nellie Oleson was unkind to others because she did not feel loved, she didn’t feel worthy of love, and she did not love herself. She had received and believed the idea that a person’s value is measured by their position and wealth. In the past, her family had been wealthy. Laura and Mary didn’t have money, but they had love. They felt loved and valued by their parents. Nellie had money, but she didn’t have love. If she had felt loved and valued just for being herself, she would not have felt the need to diminish others to feel important or valuable.

Nellie said hurtful things out of her wounds. When Laura made her comment to Nellie, she did it because somewhere inside, she still felt the pain of Nellies hurtful words. She had not forgiven, and she had certainly not forgotten Nellie’s meanness. She hurt Nellie back because of her own hurt.

God’s Way is Different

In the natural, Laura’s actions are justified. We might justly feel that Nellie got what she deserved. But in God’s kingdom, which is a kingdom of Love— we don’t dish out what people deserve. We forgive, and extend underserved grace, because this is what we, ourselves, have been given.

 I think I got teary reading this because through it, the Holy Spirit was reminding me of my own heart, and many hearts. Yes, so many of us have been hurt. Yes we have all experienced great loss. And yes, we could justify all the ways we have responded to it—there are many ways to try and make things right on our own terms. There have been many times we have felt misunderstood, mistreated, betrayed, unfairly judged, hurt, dismissed, falsely accused, wronged, or shamed.

 But by a God Who redeems everything, we have been invited into a way far more rewarding and satisfying than evening up the score will ever be. If there are areas where we harbor unhealed wounds, then in those areas, we will interact and respond to people from a place of wounded-ness rather than love. But if we will allow God’s Spirit to show us the places where we still have wounds, and if we will let Him heal those wounds, then we make room for Love.

A Lens of Love and Kingdom

I believe that we are coming into a time when God is asking us to begin to look at things more intentionally through a lens of Love and kingdom. His kingdom is a Love kingdom. Think about how unimaginably different things must be in heaven than they are here on earth.

Mathew 6:10

But Jesus prayed, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10).

 God’s ways, His will and His kingdom are all meant to be manifested here on earth. Heaven is the unseen realm, while we live here on earth—the realm that we can see. But Jesus prayed that the unseen realm, heaven, would come and occupy and operate here in the seen realm of earth.

 2 Corinthians 4:18

Paul writes that we don’t focus our attention on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but the unseen realm is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18).

 If we have dedicated all of our energy to making sure our opinions get heard, reminding people of their shortcomings, and fighting for our rights, then looking at life through this lens of His Love kingdom might be like getting new glasses. We will see other people and our circumstances in a different light, with more clarity and more understanding of what is really important and what is not.

Trading In Our Just Deserts

God’s Love kingdom means surrendering everything we think we have a right to. God’s Love kingdom means no control. No rights. No paybacks. No just deserts. No score-keeping. And maybe that feels unfair or even scary, but maybe God is asking us to trust Him and let go anyway. Let go of our right to be right. Let go of needing to be understood. Let go of what people might think. Let go of worrying over what might happen if we don’t hold things together. Let go of what the other person did. Make a decision to forgive, even when there was no apology or repentance.

 To clarify—I’m talking about what goes on within our hearts. This is a conversation between me and God. How will I choose to approach this situation or this person? We still have to use wisdom, we still need to have healthy boundaries, and we still choose safe people. But we can let go of the need to defend our position or convince people of anything. We can forgive where we have been hurt, and we let God be our defender.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. Love never stops loving. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 TPT