Turning 40 and Why Its’s a Wonderful Life

How Do I Feel About Turning 40?

Just wanted to share some thoughts that came out the other day when after doing life a-mile-a-minute I stopped to rest and then realized–Hey I turned 40 this week.  How do I feel about turning 40?  A cathartic exercise. I can use this question (How do I feel about ______?) for anything in life, and it will usually give me 1) revelation about myself, and 2) some much needed emotional relief (that I sometimes don’t realize I even need until I get it).

Just to stop and ask my heart how she feels… Ahhhh.  This is really so important. If I don’t ask her, and no one else asks her, then who will she tell? When I don’t take time to stop and do this, I can start to get all kinds of negative stuff going on inside of me.  I can get needy, critical, irritable, depressed, sugar-craving, etc… So lets just do it people! Give your heart some time.  Your life will thank you for it.

I am 40.  I am 40 years old! How do I feel about it?

Think Back to 30 

Well… when I think back to turning 30, I have fond memories of that birthday.  I was living in Australia, and I had my 30-something friends over and we sat around and had adult conversation.  I loved it.  I got flowers and I think there was a cake.  I just remember deciding that night that I liked the grown-up party better than the college parties.

And in the same season (maybe the next year or two) I had a wine and cheese party that I enjoyed even more. An afternoon celebration, conversing and nibbling on antipasto, drinking wine, and enjoying the company of beautiful friends.  I miss those friends.

A New Season

This year I have a 10-month old and a hard-working husband and friends who have jobs and other obligations.  I also have a lot of healing on my side, so although I wanted to feel sorry for myself that I did not have anyone to go to lunch with on the day of my 40th, I knew that: first, I had not planned that with anyone (my fault) and second, that I still had the power to make it a great birthday.  Not just the power– the responsibility.  To my own heart.

Baby and Me Went Shopping

So I packed up the baby gear (and the baby) and we went shopping! We looked at really pretty clothes (something I haven’t really done since getting pregnant almost 2 years ago since my body now is so foreign to me waaa!).

I bought a shirt that I loved.  I mean, I didn’t love it as much as some of the other things I tried on, but it fit, and I felt pretty in it, and thats what I loved.  It was soft and flowy and unique.  And I enjoyed wearing it. Then my hubby came home to pick us up for dinner, which was yummy (and so was the margarita), and then we came home and he set my gift out on the table, all bulky and bumpy in funny wrapping paper.

And to my non-surprise (and great delight), it was a new camera!!! I mean a real camera.  A big girl camera.  An I-need-to-read-the-manuel-before-i-can-actually-take-any-pictures camera.  Oh my heavenly daisies!

Expectation and Disappointment

Even though all of this happened and it was really a pretty wonderful birthday, there had been an expectation that someone else should make it special for me.  So there was disappointment.  And I think its ok to desire to be seen and known and celebrated on my birthday.  But I think it was kind of an important test for me too–as though I were being asked, what will you do when no one else makes a fuss over you?  And I passed.

I Can Lead a Beautiful Life

The truth is, it was my day, and I picked my chin up and took hold of it.  This is what we really need to learn to do with every day.  We have the power to lead brilliantly beautiful lives.  We just need to stop depending on other people and perfect circumstances to make it happen to us.   I am meant to lead a beautiful life.  I am meant to lead a purposeful, rich life. I lead my life.  We were never meant to be spectators, passively watching as life unfolds and happens to us. We are meant to LIVE.  LIVE is a verb.  See?  We are meant to LIVE!!!

Loving Me At 40

So turning 40. I like it better than 30.  I mean, I am still learning to accept certain things–like how my body doesn’t look at all the same now as it did for 38 years (pre-baby).  I miss my thin-ness.  I miss every dang thing looking awesome on me.  I miss wearing my favorite jeans and fitted shirts.

But there are several advantages to flowy.  Flowy is comfy.  Flowy can make a girl feel feminine and lovely.  I have never been brave enough to wear flowy until now.  So there is that.

Beautiful and Worth It

I like 40 better than 30 because I know more who I am than I ever have before.  I love 40 because some of my deepest desires have been met in marrying my  sweet husband and having my baby girl.  I am challenged by it, don’t get me wrong. It is harder than single and free in many ways.  But it is also beautiful and worth it.

There is probably much more to say about turning 40 but I am out of time.  I have responsibilities people! The moral of the story is, there is something good in everything –even turning 40. And also, you can be a really good friend to your own heart–life is better this way!